Being an adoptive Mum is...

...not being able to celebrate your children's birthdays online with your friends, e.g. "my little girl is three today and we have made it her best birthday ever, with fabulous presents and a wonderful cake made by Nanny :) ", because that gives away their date of birth and makes them potentially traceable by the birth family

Being an adoptive Mum is...

...dreading meeting birth mum but also having a small amount of curiosity thrown in

Being an adoptive Mum is...

...seeing photos of YOUR children on one of the birth family's facebook pages, with them saying how much they love them and miss them - and feeling sick, especially because there is nothing you can do about it.  The photos were taken before they were placed with us and so are not our (intellectual) property.

Being an adoptive Mum is...

...thinking that their birth parents got it wrong (maybe not all the time) and so there is additional pressure to get the parenting more right than they did.  And then I get so engrossed in trying to get it so right (even thought I don't know what I'm doing half the time!) that I stress myself out so severely that I am doing myself more mental damage.  I need to remember that I am me, that they are now in a safe place and my parenting skills need to be "good enough" not "perfect"

Being an adoptive Mum is...

...is having to write a 'nice' letter to the birth family about 'how well' YOUR children are doing.  You cannot write about how you have to hold them at night and in the day whilst they tantrum and rebel against you.  You cannot write about how you have to go over and over with them that they are safe with you.  You cannot write about how they go over and over the same phrase hundreds of times a day because they have become hyper-vigilant.  You cannot write about how the oldest one can at last write his own name and what a fabulous milestone that is.  You cannot write about how middlie's speech is improving leaps and bounds because she is attaching and settling.  You cannot write about how littlie is finally sleeping through the night because for the last seven months he has not been settling.  You cannot write about how much your oldest one hates you and refuses to bond with you because he knows you will be another female who promises you will stay and then will leave him yet again.  You cannot write about the therapy that they and you urgently need because of the abuse THEY inflicted upon these poor little babies.

Being an adoptive Mum is...

...working out that the adoption process puts the needs of the birth family before the needs of the children; the adopters are the poorest relations