What they DON'T tell you on prep groups!

This is a blog of the things we have learned as a new adoptive Mum and Dad to three children under the age of five. For 'Mum' you can read 'Dad' and 'parent'. It is also a record of some of the things no-one told us on the prep groups. Some of it is what children get up to in general and some of it is adoption-specific. Regardless, it should be an interesting read for any parent, prospective and adoptive. Feel free to add your comments, which I shall publish.

2 Jan 2011

Being an adoptive Mum is...

...is having to write a 'nice' letter to the birth family about 'how well' YOUR children are doing.  You cannot write about how you have to hold them at night and in the day whilst they tantrum and rebel against you.  You cannot write about how you have to go over and over with them that they are safe with you.  You cannot write about how they go over and over the same phrase hundreds of times a day because they have become hyper-vigilant.  You cannot write about how the oldest one can at last write his own name and what a fabulous milestone that is.  You cannot write about how middlie's speech is improving leaps and bounds because she is attaching and settling.  You cannot write about how littlie is finally sleeping through the night because for the last seven months he has not been settling.  You cannot write about how much your oldest one hates you and refuses to bond with you because he knows you will be another female who promises you will stay and then will leave him yet again.  You cannot write about the therapy that they and you urgently need because of the abuse THEY inflicted upon these poor little babies.


  1. I COMPLETELY get this... I COULD'VE written this... Thank you for voicing this

  2. You are welcome. We have written our first letter and i found it 'intrusive' to have to write about our children - and that we can only write about the 'happy' stuff makes me soooo angry.