This is a blog of the things we have learned as a new adoptive Mum and Dad to three children under the age of five. For 'Mum' you can read 'Dad' and 'parent'. It is also a record of some of the things no-one told us on the prep groups. Some of it is what children get up to in general and some of it is adoption-specific. Regardless, it should be an interesting read for any parent, prospective and adoptive. Feel free to add your comments, which I shall publish.
2 Jan 2011
Being an adoptive Mum is...
...feeling guilty about not being the best Mum I could be every second of every day
I think that maternal guilt isn't just for adoptive mums, but one of the areas that adoption doesn't seggragate us from birth mums. However I do that that APs are more aware of our parenting which makes us more aware of the guilt.
Yes, as the paragraph at the top of the page says, some of these things are for all parents, not just adoptive mums. You are right, adoption does tend to bring things into sharp focus because of the way we have to parent that is different to the majority of birth families
Yes, i know i do feel that way. it's like their birth parents got it wrong (maybe not all the time) and so there is additional pressure to get it more right than they did. and then i get so engrossed in trying to get it right (even thought i don't know what i'm doing half the time!) that i stress myself out so severely that i am doing myself more damage. i need to remember that i am only human and that they are now in a safe place and my parenting skills need to be "good enough" not "perfect". did that make any sense? lol
It's lovely that you're blogging again.
ReplyDeleteI think that maternal guilt isn't just for adoptive mums, but one of the areas that adoption doesn't seggragate us from birth mums. However I do that that APs are more aware of our parenting which makes us more aware of the guilt.
Happy New Year,
WM
http://kes44p.wordpress.com/
Thanks, i am glad I am blogging again :)
ReplyDeleteYes, as the paragraph at the top of the page says, some of these things are for all parents, not just adoptive mums. You are right, adoption does tend to bring things into sharp focus because of the way we have to parent that is different to the majority of birth families
thanks for reading and commenting xx
Hi, Yes it comes with the territory, but I do think us adoptive Mums feel the need to be perfect at times..... Enid
ReplyDeleteHi Enid, glad you have found my blog :)
ReplyDeleteYes, i know i do feel that way. it's like their birth parents got it wrong (maybe not all the time) and so there is additional pressure to get it more right than they did. and then i get so engrossed in trying to get it right (even thought i don't know what i'm doing half the time!) that i stress myself out so severely that i am doing myself more damage. i need to remember that i am only human and that they are now in a safe place and my parenting skills need to be "good enough" not "perfect". did that make any sense? lol